google + has it wrong ... i am not all caught up. i am left, behind. I complain, yes, in my own self ... but whether or not you know does not matter ... what had mattered to me is that i had wanted to stop. i don't go up the ladder, for even should i start to climb up, the ladder is turned upside down and i find myself going back down. i climb over one mountain only to be faced with another mountain to climb ... over and over and over again ... never getting to the place where it is i belong. you say i belong here, and all i am left with is the thought you say such because you are there ... follow that through and you will understand the complaint still within me. 

what do you want me to do?? fight others? why? i have nothing with which to fight them ... like i have done any better for myself. i care, but not enough to speak things i do not understand. what song is it you would like me to sing that i have not already sung? if you're expecting something from me, be specific when making your request. maybe i am to be rejected. is it what i desire of you? i desire you ... i hope for you ... i cry for you ... how well do you really know me? you must ... and you seem to be rejecting me in the most painful way possible .. in  a way where i can only fail so that i bear the shame of not bringing about what it is i most desire. you offer in a way where the only possible way we could fail is the only sure we could fail ... by me, who will have no one else to blame but me. as if i did not already blame me. 

maybe i should just put myself out there ... again. how many times though till it is enough? how many times will i be picking myself up before i can accept myself and be myself, freely? or am i this. maybe i should, to see. truth is ... 

Remember, everyone will have their own version of what you should do and who you should be. Shabbat is the time to listen to your internal harmony, to orient yourself and hear the singular music of your own soul. Shabbat Shalom.  ~ Rabbi David Wolpe ~ 

I have loved you, and I have hated myself. Everything good, i see in you. Everything bad, it has been in me. I have been destructive to myself, denied myself what is good and given myself over to hell. I do not believe you deserve me because i believe you want better than me ... and so, i hate me. even so, i do not wish to be anyone else, other than me. I am not in self-denial ... i simply have been denying myself of anything good for me. I do not desire any longer to continue hating myself. TEach me how to accept myself, how to be good to myself, how to trust myself. Not for my own sake, but for the sake of the little ones who deserve better from me than the backlash of contempt in which I have been holding myself. Thank you. 

We have been in darkness longer than what I would have believed necessary. And it makes me anxious .... 

     "For the needy shall not always be forgotten: the expectation of the poor shall not perish for ever."   (Psalm 9:18)

       " ... they afflict the just; they take a bribe; and they turn aside the poor in the gate from their right. Therefore the prudent shall keep silence in that time ... Seek good, and not evil ..." 

              (Amos 5) 

      "This will be written for a the generation to come. A People which will be created ... " 

      "For you will eat the labor of your hands. You will be happy, and it will be well with you." 

Leviticus 26:12 "I will walk among you, and will be your God, and you will be my People." 

         Thus said the LORD who is planning it, 

         The LORD who is shaping it to bring it about, 

          Whose name is LORD: 

          Call to Me, and I will answer you, 

          And I will tell you wondrous things, 

          Secrets you have not known.  ~ Jeremiah 33

I long for your deliverance; I hope for Your word.

You bring on darkness and it is night, when all the beasts of the forests stir. 

Blessed is the Lord. 

Day by day He supports us, 

     God, our deliverance. 

O God, in Your goodness You provide for the needy. 

Trust in Him at all times, O people; 

       pour out your hearts before Him; 

       God is our refuge.       Selah

Do not trust in violence, 

        or put false hopes in robbery; 

         if force bears fruit pay it no mind. 

Injustice anywhere is a threat to Justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial 'outside agitator' idea. **Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere within its bounds.**    ~ Martin Luther King Jr. (Why We Can't Wait) 

Isaiah 56:1  "Observe what is right and do what is just; For soon My salvation shall come, And my deliverance be revealed."